In ancient Hebrew, the word for “hand” can also refer metaphorically to personal power—or be innuendo for the phallus. This observation serves as a key to the many appearances of “hands” in the book of Esther, from the king’s superlative “hand” to the ever-active “hands” of eunuchs. This abundance of hands has an ironic significance, alternately humorous and profound, as it points to the non-procreative nature of power in Esther’s Persia. Drawing from Lee Edelman’s theory of reproductive futurism, this article examines the upside-down, queer world of Esther, where the “hands” that matter are precisely those “hands” that society views as disabled.